I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
