so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
