She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
