So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
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I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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