he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
