epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
