apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
