I can tuck mytits in my pants
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize