Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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