Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
