just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
