actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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