Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
