Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
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Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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