I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
4 words: hood of his car
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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