I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
