ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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