none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
