Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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