I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
