If i come over, it means nothing
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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