I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize