I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
