yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
