UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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