the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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