sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
