12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
