i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
