Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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