He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
