So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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