i don't like sucking hair
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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