There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
