So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
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