I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
