sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
