so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
