I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
