Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
