Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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