Yo dont text me then not text me
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
