Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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