I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize