so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There r osticjed everywhere
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
