eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
