Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your cock deserves a montage
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
