so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
