Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
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We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
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I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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