she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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