the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
