Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
