Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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