My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize