hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
