I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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