maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
