looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
