chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
