You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He felt like a one man threesome
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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