I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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