Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
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I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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