i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
