toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
