Got a toothbrush?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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