You're completely useless in the revolution.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
