Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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