CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
