he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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