He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
