I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
