Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
