Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And then the night went full on bisexual.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
