u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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