DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
