yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
