Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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