I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
