is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
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Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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