They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
