I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
