Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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