Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
