What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
