When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
