I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
