Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
